Selling the Cows

People have told me that the year of firsts is the hardest after a loved one passes. First birthday, first anniversary, first Christmas. I won't lie, Christmas was hard, but it was also good. It was purposely different. We did different things and ate different food. We celebrated at a different place. We made it through. I know those firsts hurdles will be hard, but we expect them to be and so I think we are kind of prepared for that hard. There's a different kind of hard that no one warns you about. It's the common things that sneak up from nowhere and clobber you with their hard. It's the day to day sucker punch hard like the empty desk chair, not smelling morning coffee, no random morning Facebook messages. It's the usual, routine, blind side hard that I really am starting to be edgy about.

We have been very blessed by neighbors, family, friends, co-workers who have been there at ready to help with the hard. They have supported us for months of bad health and hospitals and late night calls and ambulance rides. They have mowed yards and covered work and listened and weaned calves and fed the dog. Even at their very best, with their big hearts and kind words, they cannot hold back the stampede of hard that comes some days without warning.

Yesterday, the neighbors fed the last round bale of hay. This coming week, more neighbors and friends will come and help load the cows and calves and take them to the sale barn. It is winter and the grass is gone and now, so is the hay. In all honesty the calves should have been sold months ago and that was the plan. The cows are bred and will have calves in the spring. That was also the plan. Saying goodbye was not the plan.

 

This is just more hard. None of us will be there. Mom has plans to go to an out-of-town doctor appointment. Derek and I will be at work. We are thankful for these neighbors and forever indebted for their above and beyond kind of love. We just can't. There is no real emotional attachment to these cows. I'm a country girl at heart. I've hand fed an animal, cared for it, showed it, and then walked it to be loaded on a truck headed to the meat packer. It's part of it. This time is different. Mom was explaining to the neighbor why we can't/won't be there to help them load the cows and calves and she said it best: "I will not miss the cows, but I sure will miss the Cowboy."

 

We know this is all in God's plan. We know He carries us through the hard and assures us that the easy will come. We have the truth of His word and are claiming this promise found in  Matthew 11:28-30  (NKJV).

 

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”