My 2 Cents During a Coin Shortage

Y'all probably might not really care about my opinions. Derek was fond of using a crude little saying that ended with "everybody's got one!" So true! But since you clicked the link here we go:

1. I am 100% in support of you choosing to send your kids back to school next month.

2. I am 100% in support of you choosing virtual learning for your kids.

3. I am 100% in support of you choosing to homeschool your kids.

4. I have great admiration for teachers who are excited about going back.

5. I have great admiration for teachers who are really conflicted about starting school.

6. I wear a mask even though I feel like it's an invasion of my freedoms.

7. I wear a mask even though I am not convinced that they are the solution.

8. I wear a mask out of respect for others. If you don't wear one, I respect that too.

9. I love this country.

10. I am so thankful for our first responders.

11. I will still watch football.

12. The color of your skin is not important to me, unless you are sunburned or jaundice and then I will worry about you.

13. There is so much more good in the world than we get to hear about.

14. Never ever EVER settle...in relationships, for uncomfortable shoes, or for stale chips.

15. Freakin' celebrate your uniqueness!

16. Friends and family are some of God's greatest gifts.

17. I don't fully trust the media, politicians, or people who don't like the corner brownie.

18. The turn lane should not be used to merge into the flow of traffic.

19. I don't open carry because I want to have the element of surprise, but I think you are awesome if you do. 

20. The couple in Missouri had every right to defend their home.

21. Carol Baskins killed her husband and Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.

22. Music ain't what it used to be.

23. I'm a huge fan of sleeping with a fan.

24. You have to vote!!  No matter which side you are on. If you don't vote you are letting someone else make your decisions.

25. I am not buying in to the if we can just survive until 2021 mindset. The year had nothing to do with it. I will however still share the memes.

26. These restaurants that are bragging about not touching your food...shouldn't that have always been the policy?

27. God still has something amazing in store for you and for me. Our purpose is not yet fulfilled.

No Rush

It's been 6 weeks since my last confession...I mean blog.

I've survived Derek's birthday and the anniversary of our first date. My birthday and our anniversary are coming soon. Monday was 6 months since he passed away. I miss all of him.

They placed his headstone this week and tonight Zumi and I drove up to the cemetery. I didn't tell anyone I was going. I really wanted and needed to do this on my own, although I don't really know why.
The stone is beautiful and strangely makes everything feel official and final. I love it and I don't like it.

On my drive, I prayed. Really prayed for the first time in weeks. Not just the usual morning thank you for a new day prayers. But more like: hey, God? You sure you got this? And a whole lot of I'm so sorry I keep clinging to heavy stuff you already carry for me.

I also reflected on recent real and raw conversations I've had. Some have released me of guilt and given me permission to be happy. Some have encouraged me to keep moving forward. One person, though, reminded me life happens as it happens and there's no reason to force things. Be content where you are, but don't stop looking for blessings.

I realized tonight that for a lot of my life I've been in a rush. Get through high school while achieving certain goals. ✔ College. ✔ Career. ✔ Buy a house...well, you get the idea. I wanted to face grief the same way. I wanted to put my head down, forge ahead, check off the milestones, and get through it as fast as possible. Unfortunately, that's not how grief works.

I know there is no timeline, but I know I am not a person who can be sad every day. I also know constant happiness is unreasonable. I have learned that I am stronger than I thought, but that there is strength in asking for help, too. Now I am working on letting it be.

Breathe. Just Breathe.

It's a marathon not a sprint.

Look for joy in the journey.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Don't obsess about the end game.

God is in control.