Understanding

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This last week in my Grief Share bible study group, the topic was "Why?" I haven't really asked why. I understand by faith that God doesn't owe me an explanation. I understand that even if I knew why I probably could understand it because God's ways are not our ways. I am also painfully aware that even if I knew why, and even if I understood why, Derek would still be gone. So, while questioning why is perfectly natural it is not a productive use of my thoughts.

The other part of the discussion was a little harder for me. We were reminded of three things:

God is sovereign. - He has always had a plan and a purpose for each of us. That has not changed, so therefore there must be a hope for my future. (This one is very encouraging!)

God is good - God sent his son to die for our sins because he loves us. We didn't deserve it. If he loved me that much, He didn't just stop loving or favoring me on January 13, 2020. (This one is tougher to accept, but not any less true or encouraging)

God understands - Really??

I started putting up my wall at this point. I shifted in my chair. I started tapping my pen. I was thinking, "How is that even the same. God knew Jesus would be resurrected in a very short time. God knew that he would soon be sitting beside Him in glory. That is not the same..."

Something on the video brought me back from my inner thoughts. The man was quoting John 11:35.

Jesus wept.

It's the shortest verse in the bible and it describes Jesus' reaction when he was told that his friend, Lazarus, had died. The weeping that is talked about is not getting misty-eyed. The word that is used for wept is full out lament. Sobbing, maybe wailing, ugly crying grief expression. This got my attention for real. Jesus knew that he would resurrect His friend. He knew that Lazarus' death was not a permanent situation. Yet, he wept. Why? Because the death  of someone you love is  like your heart being stomped on.  Both the person and your breath are gone and it's suffocating at times.

I found this on Pinterest (of course!):

I became aware that Jesus DOES understand and even more, grace, comfort and peace are His to give.